child at heart

Happiness: a thought, a concept and a feeling that is so overrated in his world. I can’t help but hate how ‘our happiness’ is so dependent on the clothes we wear, the cars we drive, the people ‘we know’, and the dependence of the good impression we try so hard to give off to the people around us. Praise the Lord I don’t have happiness but rather an everlasting joy that only god can provide me with. Yeah I may be happy because my friends cheered me up, someone surprised me with a small gift of a rubber duckie, I got to watch someones lovely kids or I passed all my classes this semester… but above all that I love the days where I get news a friend has been killed,  or someone has hurt me in such a deep way I don’t know if I can forgive them, or I look at my horrible sin and hate what I’ve become but through my tears and confusion I look at Christ and say praise the Lord for all he is doing for me and to me… He is so beyond good to me. In those moments, the ones where I don’t know if I can go any longer, I am filled with such a joy I can’t seem to describe…. only the grace and love of God can lift me up above the small troubles of this wretched world. And that joy, that wonderful comfort that helps me get through memories of being attacked by someone who was supposed to be my friend, or watching my close friend lie in his coffin never to breathe again, that comfort is only through God… that’s what I cling on to when there is no happiness… and praise Adonai my joy doesn’t depend on the comforts and delights of this world. While I would never ask God for a trial, I love that he picks me up out of the trials I experience and makes something beautiful of my heart.

On the note of happiness I am very happy to know that up stairs of me are the most beautiful three little girls i have ever had the privilege to babysit. Lily, Sarah and Katherine are so beautiful and I thank God daily for being able to spend time with them. And I was beyond excited to spend some time with Mrs. Lisa before she leaves for Christmas…. her mentor-ship in the Word and in my life gives me happiness that I could never explain to any other person, I thank God on a daily basis for all the Godly womanly influence he has put into my life: Angela H, Lisa M, Brittney O(Sorry if I spelt it wrong), Jacky L, Sylvia E, Leeanne W and so many others. I know I need lots of help and influence to be anything but wretched and I dont know where I would be if all of you guys didn’t spend so much time on m