child at heart

Do you ever just feel worthless or like everything you do just comes out as being utterly stupid? I feel like a lot of the things I want to say come out as something so different than what I actually meant it to be, or it comes out with such a negative connotation that its no where near what was the original thought. I rethink about it or reread it in the case of a blog and think that’s NOT what I meant, or people are going to think I am such a ditz when they read that.

I did not make a blog for everyone to read, but as a way to release some of the things I struggle with and as a way for some people to give me advice on certain things… but I constantly feel like I am retarded for voicing some things (this has nothing to do with you all that have given me advice, I want it and it helps me) or I feel like a child who constantly puts her fut into her mouth. I seriously think I am going to make my blog private to all except a certain few who I enjoy getting the feedback from.

I know even this post is going to come across to some as being defensive, angry, upset or even rude but that is really not the point of it at all… my whole point is that I have come to the conclusion, with much help, that I do need to make my thoughts private to most of the people out there who could even have access to them. I guess making this private except to a few is almost a way of capturing my thoughts…. sorry if that doesn’t make sense.  Anyways I really needed to get that off my chest but let others know why I have been really cautious in my words lately (although it may not appear that way).