child at heart

Just this past year I’ve had some craziness in some friendships around me. Someone who was once very close to me has fallen away, changed priorities, lost all interest, completely ignored me this year, all off the above plus some. And I sit back and watch it happen and cry because I don’t know what to do any longer. So I’ve let go of the situation completely and put it in God’s hands. If he wants reconciliation in that friendship it will happen. Otherwise I’ve done all I can on my part and must let go.

Romans 12:18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

I do know that I have thought of about 456 kajillion reasons as to why things fell apart. Maybe we were both too selfish. Maybe God was closing the doors so it would be easier to move to Kenya. Maybe we were never real close friends after all. Maybe they have an issue but don’t know how to talk to me when I come asking for forgiveness. Maybe there are outside influences cutting them down/off. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. I could literally drive myself crazy just thinking about all the maybe’s and all the infinite possibilities.

One thing I do know for sure and without a shadow of a doubt it that God knows without a doubt what is happening, and WHY it is for that matter. While I struggle daily, and show no fruits most days of following Christ, somehow I still cling just the tiniest bit to Him. I think these next 10 months will be a journey to God just as much as a journey to Eldoret. I am comforted by scripture in this struggle though for He watches over me and guides my paths.

Isaiah 26:3-4 You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock eternal.

Isaiah 42:16 I will lead the blind by ways they have not know, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are things I will do; I will not forsake them.

So I know that as much as it has hurt to lose this friendship this year, I have full confidence in knowing that the Lord has done this for a purpose. And in this loss He has opened some amazing doors to places I had no clue of! Once such thing being an AMAZING bible study I’ve become involved in on monday nights with other single people of Montgomery. How blessed to be able to have such sound teachings and be able to be in fellowship once a week with other single people my age in my walk of life. I have truly developed some sweet friendships with some of the girls there and it makes my heart so light.

I would be lying if I said I prayed for the following because I do in fact not pray much at all. That’s the first thing on my list of things to work on sadly. But I do desire to have such sweet companionship in my life for the days to come.

Ecclesiastes 4:10 If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!

Galatians 6:2 Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

Proverbs 13:20 He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.

Proverbs 12:26 A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.

Please pray for me, that I would get myself together and bring myself to Christ. That I would pray. And read my bible. And genuinely stop running away from God.