child at heart

I watched G today for a couple of hours and realized how much I truly LOVE both him and E. I absolutely cannot wait to start being with them Monday through Friday next week. I really have missed them. They are family.

On another note, I will be 24 in a few short weeks. Where did my life go? All of a sudden I’ve realized I AM an adult, and my life HAS started. It is kind of overwhelming when I just sit down and think about it.

I also sent another 12 questions to Michael today about Eldoret and our mission work.

While these few sentences seem totally unrelated, they are so closely intertwined in my own mind. I cannot even fathom how much I am going to miss those 2 snot nosed little babies next year. Just as much as my own family. It is crazy to think of how much I have become attached to them and their families in such a short period of time. I struggled the first couple weeks I seriously thought about moving with how hard it will be to leave my “job”, that is so much more than a job to me. How bad I felt that they would have to go through the process of finding another nanny to watch their children. It literally was a struggle. And there was a few days that Satan was using that part of my heart… and he was so clearly winning. Lord willing, this will be my last birthday in the states for a while. That’s so strange, and yet comforting to think about at the same time. I’ve been praying for this since 2008 – and here is God working through my life to possibly move me there for His will for a season of my life. But now that it’s here it really terrifies me. That’s not really even the right word I’m looking for. I guess I am more worried that I will step foot there next June and never walk back into the United States. I don’t really know why that is scary for me… maybe because I know how I am. This is something that I think about daily almost now, and I still do not have the words to really explain and flesh out the struggle I have.

Michael has been so sweet already in answering all my crazy, hair brained, long-winded, huge amounts of questions. And I know I will have more to come. The 12 I sent him today cropped out of nowhere honestly. I laid in bed last night until after 1 and could not sleep to save my life. I messed around on the laptop. Then the phone. Then watched blossom sleep next to me. Then listened to buckethead and watched the fan. Then I started thinking couldn’t stop the flood of questions that just poured into my mind. It was not really a moment of panic, more just I NEED to get up RIGHT THIS SECOND and write these down. I knew these questions were important and I was so sure if I didn’t get up then that I would in fact forget them before I got up the next morning. So I cut on my bedside table light and pulled out my Eldoret notebook and jotted them down, promising myself that I would FB M in the morning. Not 2 seconds after I turned off the light and laid my head down I was asleep until I rolled over at 9. Crazy maybe, I just take it as a sign.

I really desire your prayers right now. I know this is all early in the process, and that God could call off my going tomorrow using this just as a test to show me to act on what He is telling me for when the time is really right. I understand that. So I need your prayers for peace, and guidance, and OBEDIENCE mostly.