child at heart

Well my amazing news (rolls eyes) is that I officially failed my constitutional government class… but what makes me feel great even through that is upon talking to my mom I have been told that she is not disappointed with me on that. She knows I tried my hardest and did not cheat on the final – so we will cross that bridge in January when I can sign up for classes for that semester.

On a better note the Lord has continued to open doors beyond my wildest dreams. In 43 days I will be pouring my heart out to Africans who need to hear the word of the Lord, and the Lord will be breaking ALL the walls of my heart down and making my focus truly be on Him and Him alone. I already know I will come back someone else and that my path (Lord willing) will become so much more clear in this life. I truly believe the Lord has called me to a long season on singleness and He wants me to do missions in that time, and I am SO okay with that…. so you know what that means right? You peeps will be hearing about missions from me for a while. :)

By the way I only need $466 more for this trip. How incredible is that? I remember when I first looked and I needed $3600 and I thought there is NO WAY I can do this. I will never be able to go to Africa, it is just a dream. And I am not there yet, but the Lord knows what He is doing, and He will reveal it all in His time… I am just along for the ride.

The Lord is so amazing in my life… and no I do not say that just because He has continued to raise the money we need for our trip but because He has continued to open doors for this whole thing. He has healed some pretty serious wounds and scars in my life this past 6 months or so, He has made known to me what He wants me to do with my life. He has blessed me with AMAZING friendships with young peeps as well as some of the more “seasoned” members at our church. God is awesome and I don’t thank Him enough for calling me to Him in this life. I do not thank Him for wonderful Grace, or suffering, or the Word or the ability to praise Him… and He has pointed that out to me quite often recently. I am ashamed to say that I am no where near the child of God that I should or could be… the Lord is not finished with me in this life.

The flesh has begun to take over my mind though. I cannot help but think of all the negative what-if’s that are possible. What if I don’t come back changed? What if one of us gets captured while we are driving through some of the rough villages? What if we all get taken captive and unspeakable things happen to us? What if I get raped or something? What if the area we are in gets bombed? (It has happened before, but its been like 10 years) What if something happens to someone back here at home while I’m gone? What if someone close to me dies and I won’t be able to tell them bye? What if the Lord reveals some extremely hard things to me while I am over there? Will I handle it rightly? Will I handle the trip in a God honoring manner? etc… the list goes on and on and on… It’s because I do not give it all over to Christ and that is totally my fault. My dear mother has been trying her hardest to talk some sanity into me and has suggested I do a word study on some critical scripture points to calm my worried mind.

I have been unusually tired lately and I’m not sure why. I’ve been spending all my spare time sleeping or lounging because I feel so exhausted. Because I haven’t been doing much of anything I’ve had this blog post in my head for what seems like 6 months now… I just haven’t been able to make myself get up and post it.

I really want to make 1 serious point right now, this is for any girl who is reading this (since I am SO popular I know) I really want you to know that you can be modest and still look cute and nice. For example, here is a picture of me in my dress  – and I would like to say that I still look nice without looking sleezy and I am not compromising my modesty and my standards for myself. I wish more young girls (and older girls) had this type of respect for themselves. Ollie and I had a great time Saturday night and I did not have to worry about my goods falling out in front of others or tempting ollie with how I was dressed, and he even thanked me for that at one point in the night. That made me feel so great to know that there ARE guys out there that look for those girls that respect themselves and love themselves enough to stay covered up.

I went to a prom with a good friend on Saturday (here is ollie and myself) and was appalled with some of the things I saw… I’ve never seen more “christian” girls’ unmentionables as I did on saturday night. First off I don’t have the body for that, but even if I did I feel no need for my dress to be cut down to my navel or my bottom to feel beautiful. Yes guys are going to give you tons of attention when you look like that but it is deffinatly not the kind you want. You will be the kind of girl that they have sex with before they are married but not the kind they take home to meet their parents and get married. And another thing – WHY DO YOU PARENTS LET YOUR GIRLS OUT OF THE HOUSE WEARING THAT?? I have heard so many parents say “well they will get mad if I tell them they cannot wear that”, or ” they just want to be cute” among about 1000 other reasons they let their kids dress those ways. I just have one thing to say to you, YOU are the parent, YOU are in the position of authority and THEY are COMMANDED to honor and respect their mother and father. They DO NOT make the decisions… just because they want to look cute does not mean that is the best thing for them. [now let me say, I obviously do not have children and therefore I do not have much wisdom on this topic – I just have my personal beliefs on the issues] I believe while they still live under your roofs you make the decisions and they are to do what they are told.

I don’t know… I was playing over and over in my mind at work today what all I wanted to say in this post and I’ve forgotten most of it… but I guess thats how it goes right?

~Praise Adonai~