child at heart

Let me just be honest and admit that I am fearful about this mission trip and whether or not it is actually going to work out…  I hate that I am this way but I can’t seem to shake these thoughts even with all the scripture floating around in there.  I am worried because I am not raising the money like I need to.  I know if it is the Lord’s will that I go then I will and NOTHING can stop that… but I am such a worrier and don’t live in the Lord like I should.

For example here is a list of the things that are bothering me:

• $ to raise
• Shots
  • Tetanus
  • Hepatitis A & B
  • Typhoid
  • Malaria treatments 
• Passport (which I am sending in hopefully on Friday)
• Theology to share

I am pretty sure there are things in there that I have forgotten to mention…  Lord help me to only look onto you!!

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.”  – Hebrews 12: 1-2

“For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”  -2 Timothy 1:7

“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”  -Galatians 1:10

 That’s another thing, for some reason I am soooo worried about how other people are going to view me…  since when did I ever care how others viewed me?!?!  What is that all about?  It’s getting harder for me to ignore people when they are like “Well there are just as many people here who need the gospel, why do you feel like you need to go around the world to share the news?”  In situations like that all I can cling to is Romans 10: 14-15 {But how are they to call on him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching? And how are they to preach unless they are sent? As it is written, “How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the good news!”}  Why do I go?  Because my life, my Lord has called me to, that’s why!  And why must I go around the world to preach the news?  It is because of the sorrow and tears I feel when I think of all those in Africa who perish without hearing the most beautiful words I have ever come across…  because of those beautiful believers who are killed preaching the word and leaving the job undone.  That’s why I go across the world..  that’s why Africa calls my name.

 I know this is from a secular song, but the words can fully express my emotions about this mission trip and about the merciful Savior who is working so much in my life.

Desperate for changing / Starving for truth / I’m closer to where I started / Chasing after you / I’m falling even more in love with you / Letting go of all I’ve held onto / I’m standing here until you make me move / I’m hanging by a moment here with you

Forgetting all I’m lacking / Completely incomplete / I’ll take your invitation / You take all of me

I’m falling even more in love with you / I’m letting go of all I’ve held onto / I’m standing here until you make me move / I’m hanging by a moment here with you / I’m living for the only thing I know / I’m running and not quite sure where to go / And I don’t know what I’m diving into / Just hanging by a moment here with you

There’s nothing else to lose / There’s nothing else to find / There’s nothing in the world / That can change my mind / There is nothing else / There is nothing else / There is nothing else

Desperate for changing / Starving for truth / I’m close to where I started / Chasing after you …

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by all the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.” -Romans 15:13  Praise the Lord for all He is showing me in His scriptures!