child at heart

Sometimes, God reminds you that He needs to know you will do WHATEVER it is He is asking in WHATEVER circumstance He has you no matter how you feel about it. And I’m so incredibly blown away every time He does it.

Here is a little background. On December 12, 2013 I landed in Atlanta, Georgia after the best 6 months of my life. I was confused about wanting to be home so bad and wanting to be home in Kenya so bad. It was very confusing and it still is. I was overwhelmed with our culture, with white people, with so much food, electricity, running water and the love of people that was overly abounding. I was told of this girl named Jenny that prayed for me for MONTHS. I’ve never seen her, met her or much less talked to her, yet she and several other girls faithfully prayed for me while I was in Kenya. I was beyond thankful but thought I would never get to see her. I don’t know how long I had been home, not terribly long because we were in Target and I was ready to go home. I didn’t want to be out and around that people any more. I would say probably 2 weeks or so. Anyway I round this corner and here HEY BELLA! :/ Whaaaaa? It was Jenny. She acted like she had known me her whole life. Thankfully mom came and explained who she was and I felt better at the moment (I’m really thinking now that I’m ready to go home.)

Fast forward several months and Jenny starts going to our church. We talk occasionally but nothing has really clicked yet at this moment. Makes me laugh how I’ve had several friendships just click lately, Jenny and I just took a little more time. Fast forward even more to July 2013 and BOOM – there is the click. We start talking on the phone, texting, email, hanging out – I feel like I’ve known her my whole life. We were in a conversation probably 2 weeks ago and she told me, God just kept me in the situation I was in for months (possibly years) until I finally told him Lord, I will stay here. This is not where I want to be, but if this is where you want me then I will be content here. Later that night she was asking me about what I’m doing here while at home. And it was the same thing. I was honest, told her I don’t want to be here. I want to go home, to Kenya, but I’ve been praying and looking and the doors just are not open. I told her I love kids, so while working in a daycare is not what I want, if this is where God wants me, then this is where I will be a missionary for Him.

(I’m getting to where it all makes sense, I promise!) This past week I had a call from Auntie Sarah in Kenya. Every time I do I cry. It stirs emotions up in me just so. We didn’t talk long but I could hear all the noises of kids in the background and I wanted it so bad. LIKE OH MY GOODNESS I’M CALLING MY BOSSES AND QUITTING TOMORROW AND MOVING TO KENYA WITH THE FEW DOLLARS I HAVE IN MY POCKET bad. Not even 2 full days later I’m talking to Laurel and she said they would be more than happy for me to come back and do the other 6 months of my year commitment with them at the children’s home. At this point I’m dancing like a hot mess singing O Happy Day! Obviously I’ve sent my pastor an email about the whole thing, so nothing is official, but it is in my head now. And doors are open.

Last night, I lay down in bed and thought, I want to do my Hobbit devotional. It has probably been months since I picked the dern book up and when I did I accidentally skipped a whole lesson ahead. “Accidentally”. Here is what I read:

Solid and Adventerous

Then something Tookish woke up inside him, and he wished to go and see the great mountains, and hear the pine-trees and the waterfalls, and explore the caves.  -The Hobbit, Chapter 1

Bilbo lived in Hobbinton, where many years earlier his father, Bungo Baggins, had married the celebrated Belladonna Took. Now, the Tooks were a large clan of hobbits to the south in Green Hill country. (Took rhymes with kook, by the way.) The Baggines were considerably more practical, predictable and respectable than the Green Hill folk – after all, several Tooks had gone off on wild adventures. Nevertheless, the risk-taking Tooks were even wealthier than the Bagginses. Go figure.

The Tooks were natural leaders among hobbits. Tooks were “somewhat bolder and more adventerous” than the average Shire-folk. They were known for their daring deeds and boasted of producing some of the greatest heroes. In fact, the hereditary title Thain (leader of the Shire) was passed down to the head of the Took family.

In the beginning of this story, the Baggins side of Bilbo’s nature dominated, almost smothering his Tookish side. Many of us are Baggins-minded as well. We’re down-to-earth and rational. Oh, to be sure, we have our dreams- and every once and a while we stoke their glowing coals in our imagination. But we’re either to sensible to follow the dream, or hard experience has sent us, chastised, back to the safe confines of daily routine. We fulfill our desire for adventure by riding a motorcycle on the weekends or renting an action movie on Friday night.

And so our larger dreams go unfilled.

That’s what happened to Bilbo. His idealism had, over the years, been displaced by a more practical nature. Deep down, Bilbo still longed to see the wide world, to venture beyond the tame edges of his homeland – but he had settled down. He now fulfilled his youthful longings by taking extended walks around the Shire. Marking his favorite paths in red ink on his wall map, Bilbo took those same walks again and again. The dream had been replaced by a comfortable and quite manageable daydream. 

Then a stirring dwarf song – and dwarves can sing! – awakened Bilbo’s desire to venture out, even if that meant abandoning the safe world he knew. 

For most of us – hobbit or modern humans – it’s easier to be adventuresome when were “young and foolish.” Adventure is practically built into our young bodies. But, as we age, we desire more security. This is particularly true if we marry and have children. Suddenly our carefree, risk taking lifestyle seems out of place. Backpacking through Europe is no longer a viable option, so we get a “solid job.” We settle down into predictable schedules. And that’s all fine and necessary… as long as we don’t sink into immobility and completely lose our edge.

It’s great to enjoy an action movie on Friday night – and if you get a thrill from roaring down the highway on a motorbike, go for it. But these “adventures” fall well within our comfort zones. We’re more likely to avoid these chaotic experiences, where things happen unexpectedly and events are beyond our control. Those things that disrupt our stable plans or derail our set schedule are not quite welcome.

When Gandalf searched his memory for the ideal hobbit to join dwarves on a long adventure, he realized he wanted someone with a good, practical head on his shoulders. Someone solid and unflinching – such as a Baggins. The tough road ahead would require a stalwart soul who’d stay the course after the novelty wore off and the tedium set in. The ideal candidate also needed a little Took blood to get him started on the adventure in the first place – just not so much that he was an erratic, flight “fool of a Took.”

Bilbo fit the bill perfectly.

Like Bilbo, we have a deep and genuine need for security. But we can’t do without change, or we’ll simply stagnate. If we never expand our horizons, we’ll settle into deep mental ruts – maybe permanently. We need both security AND a sense of adventure.

Jesus warned that those who followed Him needed to be committed. “No one,” He said, “having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God” (Luke 9:62). He also cautioned regarding  “those who hear the message and immediately receive it with joy. But since they don’t have deep roots, they don’t last long. They fall away soon as they have problems or are persecuted for believing God’s word” (Mark 4:16-17).

Let’s plan to last.Let’s be committed to persevering in our Christian walk – in fact, to any venture to which we’re called. 

Are you a Baggins or a Took – or, like Bilbo, a blend of the two? 

I swear, if that was not perfect for what has happened in my brain this past week, then I don’t know what is. Will you pray with me and for me as I pray and search for guidance?