child at heart

I feel like I’m living a new life.

I know I’ve only been home about 5 days but it doesn’t seem real to me yet. I still feel like I’m on vacation. I don’t enjoy being around groups of people yet. I’m used to living in a small town (about the size of eclectic, maybe smaller) with me, sarah, the medlin’s, 17 children and a few neighbors. I don’t like shopping in malls at all right now. I get overwhelmed around lots of people. I feel a bit anxious even going into the doors of my own church. It is a little hard. I don’t want to meet people out and about just yet, so please bear with me.

I’m still waking up really early. Some days 6am, some days 4-430am. I’m doing good to be awake and functioning by 9pm. I marvel that I have electricity and can see by something other than kerosene lantern after the sun goes down. I can go to the bathroom in my house, with running water, rather than an outhouse 200 yards away from me. I have plumbing. I have food choices. I hate being in the car driving, or even riding most days. Ask my mom, I cringe a lot. I feel completely out of my element. I may have watched a half hour of television since I’ve been home – and I love that.

I have a new life. Some moments I am scared. I’m glad to be home though. It is just different.

Also, I get to end this year with the joy of knowing my brother will be married to Laura last year. I love her. I cannot wait for her to officially be my sister. But it is sad knowing this is the last year we will all be together (I mean by living) in the same house. I’m working through a lot of changes.