child at heart

Same stuff different day. Why are my struggles so deep rooted? Why do I feel like I must compare and set myself worthy based on the life and circumstances of other people? Why must this be so hard for me? Why can’t I be content with myself being by myself in this life? I desperately need to find the joy in my being single and use this time for His glory. Lord knows I sound like a broken record. I get so tired thinking the same thing so often. But it quicks to my heart in ways I cannot describe unless you have been there. Tonight seems to be abnormally difficult for reasons I do not know. And so I struggle to find joy and meaning in this night of lonliness in my own mind. I struggle to admit to God that His will is right when what I’m really doing is screaming at Him my own desires and telling Him how much better I would be if XYZ would happen. I’m just so tired and weary of the fight that I am loosing.