child at heart

It has been way to long since I wrote something on here. I have so much to say but I am so torn about what to say and what to do and how to say it and urg. I feel like these next 2 months (actually it’s 66 days until we leave for Africa and they are CRAWLING by) will take FOREVER and I think I may go crazy in the process.

First thing that’s driving me nuts is the fact I recently found out that I will not be graduating in December 2009, but rather May 2010. I have 6 classes left to graduate and they will only be offering 2 that I need and I can only pick up 1 independent study. This is a two edged sword. It’s good in the fact that I will be able to work and save money and will not have to get student loans for the last 2 semesters. It’s bad because it will take me 5 years to get through college….. seriously?? I am going to look like the biggest goober cause I couldn’t make it through college in 4 years (at least I will have 2 majors to show for it). I don’t know, I know the Lord has a plan in it all but I am so confused on what He is trying to get me to see by delaying graduation.

I applied for my passport today, again. I still cannot believe I lost my passport that I just got last year. I can’t stand paying for something I just got and lost. It makes me need to scream. But Lord willing I don’t loose this one too it will last me for 10 years.

My counselor, Brenda, is amazing BTW. I just needed to say that. I told her how much I needed accountability and my lack of spiritual discipline. Through her reccomendations I have started some pretty exciting things. I am memorizing scripture, working through some issues (people pleasing   and unbiblical self-image ) and reading through the NT in a year. I haven’t gotten that far, I am on Matthew 8 but it has already been amazing and I do not see how it will change to be anything less. I have let go of the bitterness I was holding towards someone and the pain they inflicted on me does not hold me captive anymore. I have forgiven him. I can take the Lord’s supper now! And I can thank God for that suffering I was put through.

Ok, to update things on the Big papa stuff. Corey and I did break up a couple weeks ago. It came down to a difference in religion pretty much, somewhat  the issue of “Calvanism and predestination”. More simply, our views of God were no where close to each other. He believed some things I did not see a scripturally supported and I was not able to reconcile and agree with his idea of God. I knew I would not be able to be biblically submissive like I am called to be so we called things off early so we could still have some sort of friendship. In all seriousness, he does need prayer. I will not go in depth but, some of his views and beliefs point towards him being unsaved. I am not able to say that for sure, and I do know that. I simply am going by his fruits that I saw, and those were a little distorted.

On a happier note, I think we may be spending Christmas in California!!! I am BEYOND excited about that. I will get to see my grandparents, whom I have not seen since I graduated HS. I will get to meet my uncle mark (mom’s brother) and my cousin dani (his daughter) who is only 2 weeks older than me. I have not met either and I am bursting at the seams to finally meet them. I don’t think we have set exact dates yet but I know we were toying with the idea of leaving in December 23rd and staying a week or so? I am trying to convince my mom to let us go see the Redwood forests even though it is a couple hours off. I am dying to see them.

I know, I know, I am all over the place on this post.

I have begun practicing/attemptin to learn “Victor’s song” from the Corpse Bride  on piano. It is truly breathtaking a beautiful to me. It will take some time for me to get to playing is decent.

Hmm. Is there anything else to write about? I am considering becoming a young elementary education teacher. I will be looking into being a teachers aid for someone next semester just to get my foot into the door and see if I would really enjoy that or run away screaming.

To be honest, I do not know what I want to do in life and it is scaring the poo out of me. I knew for sure my senior year that I was being called to christian counseling. I never once struggled with what my major would be. This last semester though I have changed everything. I’m lost. I feel like I am a HS senior trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. I mean I am really laid back and I just role with life anyway but this, this is tripping me up unlike anything I have ever come across. It’s probably because I am a college senior and I have my life in front of me and I am so incredibly clueless. Help?

I recieved an email from Gakii last week:

Hello sis, how are you for so long? im quite okey but missing you.how was your christmas and new year? sis, mine is full of  Gods blessings. I have some good news to share with since you just a good friend of mine.I have a wedding on 19.12.2009. I wish you could attend. On your previous mail you asked some questions that i did not have chance to reply please forgive me. My mom knows how to read and write english very well my be better than me. so you can communicate to her.Our churces in meru need your prayers.We are doing well but we were struck by drought this season and people are starving. pray for us so that God may give us rains this season..The way you can assist my church Kambakia is by if possible you can assist them paying my school fees it seems they are struggling so much but they have atleast paid half that is 25 thousand shillings. I have now a balance of 25 thousand if you can support my church in paying this  we all could be very happy.receive your greatings from my sweet heart Jeremy , he always wish to see your lovely face.have a nice time .Greet your friends and my friends too. tell them to talk. I always pray for you that God my bless you abundantly.bye.

Sorry for it being so hard to understand. I like it though. Reminds me of Africa. :] Please pray for them in the ways she has mentioned, as well as for her and her fiance and the farmers. They need it. I can’t  help but think that the troubles they are facing are paving the way for some ministry opportunities this summer though.

I guess that’s it. We have our last Africa meeting this saturday. I’m sure I will have lots to put on the Kenya page after that.