child at heart

40 before 40

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doors will always open and close, and I thank God for the closed ones so much more.

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Bella

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“The Lord will provide”…

“So do not fear; I will provide for you and your little ones. Thus he comforted them and spoke kindly to them.” (Genesis 50:21)

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap now gather into barns, and yet your heavenly father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.” … “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” (Matthew 6: 25-29, 33)

I know that entire passage does not speak directly about the Lord providing, but then again it does. I love how a passage just that simple can be used by God to smack the stew out of me like being hit with a 2×4. The birds of the field do NOTHING and yet God still feeds them… who am I to think I do it all myself? Who am I to think I have raised all this money on my own? Who am I to think I’ve done everything to make this trip possible? I AM NO ONE, thats who. Our trip costs went up $200 for simple little things like gas prices, and even in that unforeseen expense I have not begun to fret, because I know the Lord will work it all out. I cannot do anything to make this happen, and if the Lord wills for me to go I cannot do anything to mess it up.

This has become so much more real to me lately, the Lord will provide, it’s not just a saying I half-heartedly let slip out of my mouth – it is the cry of my heart, and hopefully my life. I cannot even begin to explain how much the Lord has shown this to me within these last few months. To explain some of it I have to rewind life for you and fill you in.

April 2007: I was currently working at Chick-Fil-A in Eastchase and had been there for 3 years. I was making decent money and had received a scholarship that would help me in college, more importantly I had been offered a promotion and a raise. I was excited but the more I thought about it the more uneasy I felt and the more I realized CFA was not the environment I needed to be in and was causing me to stumble in my faith. At the same time, David Lawrence at Lifeway called me back about an application I had filled out in December of 2006 and was offering me a job if I wanted it. I thought about it and the day after my Lifeway interview I turned in my 2 weeks notice and started at Lifeway. While I was working out my 2 weeks notice I wondered if I had made the right decision (pay cut, new environment, starting over new etc.) On my last day at CFA I felt a peace and happiness that I cannot, still to this day even explain, somehow I just new this was the right thing to do. The Lord blessed my life with giving me such a God honoring and spiritually rewarding job, as well as a boss whom I go to church with and share the same religios beliefs with.
“For a day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of God than dwell in the tents of wickedness.” (Psalm 84: 10)

Fast forward to late February 2008: I had begun to become ‘involved’ with a boy that I have gone to church with for years. The two of us have had some strong feelings for one another and had even seriously talked about dating each (around the end of February) other but decided to take it slow and see what the Lord told each of us. Many weeks we planned on going out and doing things with one another to get to know more about things and the doors shut one after another; I would get called into work, he would spend time with his friends, a death in the family came up along with many other things. I began to notice some important things that I had never seen before; he does not have a high school diploma or gotten his GED yet, no drivers license, currently no job and most important to me, the fact that he is not really involved in church and doesn’t see much of a problem with that. The Lord was just making it so clear to me that this was NOT the time to look for a relationship, He kept letting me know I need you to be focused on me right now.

Back to today: I will be going to Kenya (as you know) in 79 days. I cannot help but be amazed and stare in wonder of how long the Lord has been planning this whole trip out. If I was still working at CFA there is no way possible that I would be able to take off 5 weeks this summer to go on this trip. There is no way I would be as spiritually mature (although I am still such a baby in my faith) as the Lord has made me through Lifeway. I am pretty sure I would not have the same calling or desire for missions as I do today.

Secondly, I would be to worried about leaving a boyfriend behind to be really focused on this mission trip. My priorities would be so skewed that it would not even be funny.

” I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord.” … “And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.” (1 Corinthians 7: 32, 34b – 35)

I cannot explain it any better than that, and I am so okay with being single… It does not bother me like it did months ago. I don’t even know how to explain it to people who ask me ‘how can you be so okay with not dating anything’ other than, I just feel right. I know this is how it is supposed to be, and who am I to challenge that?
“He said to them, ‘It is not for you to know the times or seasons that the Father has fixed by his own authority’…” (Acts 1: 7)
I know I have been on a scripture kick in this post, but I cannot help but tell the things He is working out in my life. I cannot be silent about His wonderful will in my life. Plus, the Lord will speak through His scriptures, the Word will not come back void.
“For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly. O Lord of hosts, blessed is the one who trusts in you!” (Psalm 84: 11 – 12)

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Hello,

I’m Bella

I’m a wife. SAHM to 2 kiddos. Homeschooler. Lover of all things animals. Homesteader. Animal caretaker of Dude, 40+ chickens, 1 turkey, and 450+ cows. I make flowers. Love to cook. Love to read. Love to life heavy weights. I am me.

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